Survivorship

May 6 2020

Mental Health Awareness Month

Mental health is essential to everyone’s overall health and wellbeing, and mental illnesses are common and treatable. While 1 in 5 people will experience a mental illness during their lifetime, everyone faces challenges in life that can impact their mental health. Recognizing your feelings, finding the routines that lift you up, removing toxic influences and connecting with others can all help you on your path to recovery as you develop your own mental health tools.

Having Breast Cancer and Managing Mental Health: It is important to be cognizant of mental health after diagnosis and during treatment. It is important to recognize that each woman’s journey is different and that being diagnosed with breast cancer can affect your mental health and that of your loved ones.

Some of the most common psychosocial concerns reported by women with breast cancer include:

Fear of recurrence,
Physical symptoms such as fatigue, trouble sleeping, or pain,
Body image disruption,
Sexual dysfunction,
Treatment-related anxieties,
Intrusive thoughts about illness/persistent anxiety,
Marital/partner communication,
Feelings of vulnerability, and
Existential concerns² regarding mortality.

Managing mental health can make it challenging to do things that benefit your health, such as eating healthy foods, exercising, connecting with friends and family, and complying with medical treatment. However, the good news is that breast cancer and its emotional impact such as feelings of depression can lift over time, and the level of anxiety is likely to decrease. However, it is important to note that if you feel anxious or depressed, ask your healthcare team for a referral to a mental health provider. Taking care of your mental health should be a priority.

Join us for a series of virtual events designed to bring you practical tools to take action now towards a more balanced life!

Join us for a conversation on creating a healthy self care routine with Maimah Karmo and Esther Boykin

By taking care of yourself, you are encouraging a more empowered narrative, creating a life from a position of positive energy and creativity. The ripple effect of this type of action, no matter how small or large, positively impacts those closest to you on many levels.

About Esther Boykin: In 2004 with Master of Science from Virginia Tech and a vision of making mental health widely accessible to all, Esther Boykin began her career as a marriage and family therapist. With her passion for therapy and relationships growing, Esther opened Group Therapy Associates a psychotherapy practice in the Washington, DC metro area.
Now, nearly 15 years later, GTA has grown to include multiple office locations and Esther has extended her reach to other projects to further her mission for healthy relationships and accessible modern mental health. As CEO of Group Therapy Associates, Esther launched Therapy Is Not A Dirty Word, which hosts events and retreats and is also engaged in philanthropic efforts with Sidewalk Talk and Black Love Industry Professional (BLIP). She also co-hosts With That Being Said, a podcast with Erica Turner, and is featured regularly as an expert on shows like Good Morning Washington and the Real Housewives of Potomac.

Join us for a conversation on finding peace in life’s storms and challenges with Patricia Fox

Life can present challenges that can sometimes feel disheartening. Spend some time with me as I share mindful meditation that will assist you with balancing your energy in times of chaos.

About Patricia Fox: Patricia Fox, also know as The Pink Sistah, is a young breast cancer survivor diagnosed in 2013 at 26 years old. Today she is a cancer advocate for young adults affected by dis-ease, offering beauty inspiration and wellness information.

About Mike Fanelli and Tanya Walker: Mike Fanelli and Tanya Walker are the Founder of the Alive and Thrive Movement. We know what it’s like to lack fulfillment and to experience feelings of inadequacy, guilt, anger and rejection that result in relationship breakdown. Something we both strongly identify with. If you are feeling misunderstood, disconnected and desire relationships/connections you are 100% in the right place. Our approach will transform how you attract others by meeting yourself in ways you never have. What is the best way to get what you want? Be exactly who YOU are looking for!Invest in the most important person in your life – YOU.

Join us for a conversation on supporting cancer patients to live life now with Maimah Karmo and Angela ‘Jersi’ Baker

Most women experience at least some psychosocial distress during the course of their breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. The level of distress varies from woman to woman and, within an individual, over the course of diagnosis and treatment. Angela ‘Jersi’ Baker, Founder of Angel in Disguise, serves to support people battling cancer, affectionately called V.I.D.A.S. (Victorious, Inspired, Delicate, Angel, Survivor) with tasks they are unable to complete alone. They focus on breast cancer survivors and their families, helping them adjust to lifestyle changes and maintain hope so they can ‘live life now’.

About Angela Jersi Baker: Angel in Disguise was founded in 2015 by Angela Baker, a three-time breast cancer survivor who is currently living her life to the fullest with stage IV metastatic breast cancer. After her third diagnosis, Angela decided it was time to leave her job to focus on her health and helping other people. Soon after, she received a call from another woman fighting breast cancer asking for a ride to the doctor. She needed someone to not only to drive her but support her through the difficult treatments. Angela knew the hardships of fighting cancer and was there for her. She started handing out business cards at cancer institutes and receiving more calls from patients who needed transportation. It was then that Angela realized her passion for supporting and inspiring other cancer patients throughout their journey. She founded a 501(c)3 organization entitled Angel in Disguise Inc. to provide transportation and support to breast cancer patients in Charlotte, NC. There is an enormous barrier and racial disparity in health care, making it difficult for certain cancer patients to gain access to quality care and transportation. Angel in Disguise is bridging that gap. In 2018, AID helped eliminate the transportation barrier in Mecklenburg and Cabbarus county by providing 2,822 complimentary transportation miles and 180 waiting hours to cancer patients in need. So far in 2019, AID has driven 1,276 miles and provided 116 volunteer hours to underserved and underinsured cancer patients. Most patients are driven by Angela herself, a STAGE 4 Metastatic breast cancer patient.

Brought to you by the Pure Cat Initiative:

Tigerlily Foundation’s Pure Cat Initiative was launched in honor of Catherine Odderstol, a sassy yogi, who danced through life, spread light and joy with everyone she met, and who left us the gift of her eternal gypsy soul. Cat was dedicated to helping others have a mind, body, spirit approach to health and wellness. Cat has inspired us to honor her SPIRIT legacy, by offering patients, caregivers and loved ones access to programs that inspire them to light up life, focus on faith not fear, and as she loved to say, “Let Love be Your Frequency”.

Click Here For Our Pure Cat Schedule

“Let Love Be Your Frequency”

January 29 2020

Cancer at 27, Chemo at 28

I was sitting at our coffee table marking school papers when I scratched an itch on my breast. Initially, I felt a lump like a marble or cherry tomato under the skin in November 2018 and called my Mom. I then went for a first and second biopsy at a breast and thyroid specialist. It was around December when I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Breast cancer at an age of 27. I was completely numb and reacted in a weirdly cold or professional way when I first received the news. Luckily, my type of case was early detection as Doctor also called it good cancer.

I have a family history of breast cancer. Both my maternal grandmother and two of my mother’s sisters were diagnosed with Breast cancer but surprisingly, my diagnosis was not genetic but hormonal. From the moment I was diagnosed, I started to keep a very detailed record in my daily planner to use the information to start an Instagram account as this was my support network. I thought I could be vulnerable, hurt and angry but it helped me work through those raw emotions and protect my friends and family. It became the most important support and I didn’t need to rely on my friends and family for all my healing because I could connect with people all over the world who have undergone the same journey.

My treatment fit very neatly into a year which was a blessing. As I was diagnosed at a young age the chance of cancer coming back or spreading was very high, so we opted for a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. Being just 6 months married, it wasn’t the most pleasant news as I would never be able to breast feed. This was a harrowing time as I wanted to ask Doctor for opinions and answers, but we didn’t really know where to go for this support before turning to Instagram. I took my time doing some research about options for a lumpectomy and or a single mastectomy before undergoing the operation.

It is hard to know you have Stage 3 cancer and that it would cost a lot to pay for the treatment. I went for chemo (the red one) every third Friday in the afternoon so that I wouldn’t miss school time which continued throughout the second school term. I had to shave my hair off on our first wedding anniversary in April Louis and felt sick on bed. I took some time off from work in between my chemo treatments. Then, at the beginning of the third term I started with weekly paclitaxel and was told that I needed radiation too. I was tired after the year and wanted to go to my radiation sessions in peace. In terms of services offered, there are lovely people at Cancer Care Cape Gate where I was treated. I turned to my ladies on Instagram for advice when I needed it.

The biggest obstacle for me was not knowing what would happen next, and what to expect. It was difficult to comprehend the medical side of things because Doctor’s work with these things every day but for me it was my first time with cancer which they should remember.

Moreover, the physical losses that I faced weren’t easy. I looked and felt less like myself without lashes, brows and having to lose all the hair. During adolescence we all get to know and learn to love our bodies and ourselves. I loved my eyes, hair and most of all, boobs which are the three things cancer took from me.

The most important thing I would like to share through my story is not to go through this alone. There are different doses of chemo and types of cancer so not many people would be able to work while going through treatment. It is always better to find someone with whom one can talk, ask and share their concerns as information strengthens everyone’s hand. Although, it can be a big thing to have been diagnosed with cancer, but you mustn’t allow it to take over your life. One must try to stay active and creative for if laughter is the best medicine, then creativity is the best therapy.

Written By Jana Hurter, Tigerlily ANGEL Advocate

January 14 2020

Three easy ways to be a breast cancer advocate

One of the things I learned as a 2019-2020 Living Beyond Breast Cancer Young Advocate is advocacy can take many forms. In fact, there’s an entire spectrum and sometimes, we get caught up because our advocacy doesn’t look the next person’s.

No, you don’t have to be “cancer-lebrity” with thousands of followers to be an advocate. You don’t even have to be great at public speaking or understand politics.

Here are three easy ways you can be a breast cancer advocate:

ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF AKA PERSONAL ADVOCACY

After my bilateral mastectomy, I endured a week of craziness while my doctors went back and forth about whether or not I needed to do chemo. When a decision was made to not do chemo, I asked my medical oncologist to explain her logic and to also explain the logic for it. She scoffed at my request and told me I could do chemo “if I wanted to.” Needless to say, that was my last appointment with her.

You deserve a cancer care team that listens when you ask questions, seeks answers for your concerns and treats you as a whole person, not just a disease. Something as simple as researching your treatment options or seeking a second opinion, shows you are making decisions in support of your personal health.

SHARE YOUR STORY AKA MEDIA ADVOCACY

As both a young breast cancer survivor and a black breast cancer survivor, it was tough for me to find women that looked like me online. So, I started a blog called Adventures of Brave Beauty and started sharing my experiences on my journey. I eventually, I found other cancer-centered blog communities like Ihadcancer.com and co-founded my own community for women of color affected by breast cancer called For the Breast of Us.

Our stories are not our own. Our words can heal those around us just by showing them they’re not on this rollercoaster alone. And every time we lend our voice to the conversation, we not only have the opportunity to educate and enlighten others, we give a face and a voice to a disease that’s often sexualized and tied in a pretty pink ribbon. Whether you join the #bcsm Twitter chat or decide to guest blog for your favorite cancer community, sharing your story is another powerful to be a breast cancer advocate.

VOLUNTEER AKA ORGANIZATIONAL ADVOCACY

In 2018, my mom and I attended our first Young Survival Coalition Summit. Every year, there’s a dance party during the weekend and every year I’m moved as I look out on the dance floor of women who’ve gone through so much, but for one weekend they’re not the odd girl out. For one weekend, they’re surrounded by love and laughter and a sea of other women who just get it. After my first YSC Summit, I was determined to bring that energy back to my hometown in Jacksonville, FL. So, I registered to be a volunteer State Leader and a face-to-face group coordinator.

Many of your favorite cancer charities will have opportunities for you to connect your local community to their national resources. My best advice for those interested in this route is to seek balance and make sure you’re far enough out from treatment that you’re comfortable and well enough to remain personally engaged with the cancer community.

Being a breast cancer advocate starts at home by advocating for yourself and can expand as you become comfortable sharing your story and even connecting your community to national resources. You don’t need access to anything or anyone special. Just start with what you have and who you know because in the words of former President Barack Obama, “Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.”

By Jasmine Dionne Souers @bravebeauty26, co-founder of For the Breast of Us @forthebreastofus, Tigerlily ANGEL Advocate

November 29 2019

Holiday Blog: The answer is, through gratitude.

For any person, coming upon the end of a year can make you feel like you are searching for all the promises you’ve kept, goals you’ve accomplished, and ways you became a better person. But as a young breast cancer survivor, how do you manage the expectations you would normally have of yourself, against the powerful knowledge that you are renewing your existence everyday as you fight this disease?

The answer is, through gratitude.

I was diagnosed with Stage I breast cancer in March 2018, at the age of 29. I had no family history of breast cancer or related genetic mutations, and I certainly didn’t fit the “typical” markup of a breast cancer patient. I was succeeding in an elite position in media relations, I was enjoying the new found self-love and growth that comes with ending a relationship that is wrong for you, and I was prioritizing the most important things in my life (family, spirituality, community and mental health).

When cancer walked into my life, it singlehandedly tried to transform me from a young, vibrant, flourishing woman into what felt like a body which was on this earth for the sole purpose of being kept alive.

The physical and mental pressure of chemotherapy, multiple surgeries, endless scans, hormone therapy and one year of infusion treatments pushed me to the edges of my body and my soul.

During that time, one of the most challenging parts of figuring my way out through a diagnosis that came out of nowhere was learning to love the person I was becoming versus the person I thought I would be. Specifically, as someone who had pursued higher education, a challenging career, and lived away from family all for the sake of achieving success, I had to make the decision to accept that this path, with all its darkness and fright, could transform parts of me I would have never met, and therefore bring me to a more powerful way of living.

As my body did its job – processing toxic medicines, keeping food down, and killing cells left and right – I needed to know that somehow, my mind and soul too had a purpose for going through all this.

Every three weeks when I travelled from Washington, D.C. where I lived and worked to New York City where my family was for chemotherapy, and required a minimum one week period to recover from the harsh treatments. The multiple surgeries which demanded a four to six week rehabilitation period. And the scans that lasted anywhere from 15 to 45 minutes of being trapped in a tube or under a metal plate. These were the times that became my opportunity to sit with the quiet part inside me that had been absorbing all the information from the doctor’s appointments, all the statistical research, all the lifestyle changes and all the reflections about my changing appearance. The quiet part which somehow got me through all of it, by being brave and strong in the face of dark newness. She was the quiet part which saw the tide coming and said “no, today we fly.”

I began to meet with her often, and eventually, outside of the times of waiting, anticipating and recovering. And every time I met her, I thanked her for not only how she was getting me through the present, but how she would make my life worth living in the future, through this very experience. I didn’t need proof, or a job offer for a better life awaiting me after cancer, I just trusted in the parts of me that had grown the ability to become quiet, that this would happen.

Through practice, when I came into my stillness, I developed the precious ability to distinguish my temporal suffering from actual positive shifts in my life path.

My cancer journey eventually opened up the chance for me to move back to my hometown, New York City, and start the philanthropic fashion business I had always dreamed of as a child. Through my cancer journey, I experienced not only the loss of identity that comes from hair loss, but also the shame and embarrassment that comes from being forced to wear fake hair or head wraps that make you look like a cancer patient. During my times of stillness throughout chemotherapy, I started to sew my own stylish head wraps since the fashion world lacked the options I needed. My quality of life changed when I created a solution which allowed me comfort and coverage while giving me back the elegance and vibrancy cancer had once stolen away, simply by being able to dress like myself.

Whether I was shuttling between cities or appointments, or trying to make social plans to live as normally as possible, my head wraps began to give me the confidence and courage to experience the world around me while I healed. Through my stillness and gratitude, I realized this problem is not limited to my experience only. And therefore the solution is inherently, not my solution only.

I now run my own fashion label, where women can shop for head wraps the same way the shop for clothes – by season and by occasion. Because of my experience, hair loss no longer stands between women facing cancer, and the experiences and places that bring them joy and healing.

I still sit with the quiet girl that lives inside me. The one that knows the value of understanding the difference between temporal hardships and positive shifts for the better.

The gift she has given me, in short, is the ability to seek moments and actions that will create gratitude within me. As I spend my holiday season continuing to express that gratitude toward myself, my growth, and my purpose in helping other women, I hope you will learn to practice that same stillness in your life. You are moving mountains every day. Each footprint forward should leave an impression of gratitude toward yourself throughout the year. You have earned every step, every moment and every glory.

Written by Sonya Keshwani (@NYMannequin), Young Breast Cancer Survivor and Founder of StyleEsteem (@StyleEsteem)

September 20 2019

Something is wrong: An unlikely diagnosis

“Something is wrong,” I said to my mom on the phone, standing in front of the bathroom mirror.

While my left breast had felt heavy and painful for several weeks, wearing a striped tank top it was obvious it was also rather swollen.

I took off my shirt and began to work my fingers in a circular motion around my breast. It was tender, sections were hard and upon caressing the bottom, yellow discharge expelled.

Yes, something was wrong.

A trip to the hospital resulted in a quick dismissal. I didn’t fit their profile. I was “too young.” They did not feel a lump. My breast was not red.

“We don’t do breast screenings in the ER,” they said. “Talk to your primary care doctor.”

What came next was a mammogram, an ultrasound, a negative result and ultimately, a misdiagnosis; antibiotics for a breast infection with no probable cause or related symptoms.

More than six months went by, the pain continued and so did the discharge. Something was still wrong, but it wasn’t cancer, right?

At the appointment with my OB/GYN to officially start trying for my first baby, I mentioned my painful breast. She agreed more screening needed to be done.

I was referred to an incredible breast surgeon who was not satisfied with inconclusive results. She recommended a different mammogram and another ultrasound — still we had no answers. But it was her recommendation for a breast MRI that saved my life. Suddenly, what we were unable to see for months was brightly displayed on film in the form of almost an entire breast lit up with contrast.

The look on her face was concerning.

A biopsy was scheduled soon after. And on December 30, 2016, with my mom and my husband by my side, I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 26.

I remember looking around the room, searching for the person who was just diagnosed with breast cancer.

It could not have been me? They said I was “too young.” My mom told me to think positive and I did.

I remember my breast surgeon drawing pictures and explaining the science of breast cancer. I heard nothing.

“Okay,” I said after my hysterical laughter turned into tears. “What do we do now?”

In the months that followed, I tackled a bi-lateral mastectomy, five weeks of proton therapy radiation, two hospitalizations due to soft-tissue infections around my expanders and the following year was no easier. 2019, was the first year in two, I didn’t land in the hospital for one reason or another.

My body has been through a lot, but it is stronger and more resilient than I ever knew it could be. And because it continues to keep going strong, because I have been given more chances than a few to continue going strong, I’m determined to turn my wounds into wisdom.

Written by: ANGEL Advocate, Jasmine Dionne Souers @bravebeauty26, co-founder of For the Breast of Us @forthebreastofus

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June 27 2019

Being Real and Raw (4 of 4)

Yes, going through treatments is about finding the humour in things, it’s about distracting yourself with fun and laughter, it’s the pink ribbons, the fundraising runs and the “bucket list” adventures! There is a level of perspective we maintain while in treatments, recovering from surgery, and sharing our experience in the moment with others, and it’s the notion of “being POSITIVE”. It’s not uncommon to hear or speak of how powerful the mind is, or how our thoughts manifest into things. It’s become almost cliche to describe oneself as being a “positive” person. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being positive, in fact I agree the mind and our thoughts can truly steer the direction of what we create in our state of being. But I also believe there’s a place in our lives, in our cancer “journey” to be raw and real with our emotions, how we’re feeling and what we’d like to express.

Are we showing up for ourselves? Are we able to own our emotions at every step of the way? If you woke up one morning in pain and feeling defeated, did you cry and express it, or did you tell yourself to “buck up” and seize the day because you were alive? Are you sitting in the sheer ugliness of your fear, looking it straight in the face and owning that complete anxiety? Or did you brush it off as just a fleeting moment and convince yourself it was time to be “positive”? Have we shed enough tears at the loss of our former selves, of what our boobs meant to us before the mastectomy, of how good sex was before menopause and mood swings? Or have we chalked it up to “oh well” and tried to never look back?

Are we talking about the guilt we feel for living through cancer, ten years later, while watching your friend wither away in her last days? This was a thought I struggled with myself, just recently, and an even harder conversation to have. But I did and I was reminded of what my purpose was for being here. You see, feeling your feelings and having your “not so positive” thoughts doesn’t make you a negative person. It makes you real. It makes you honest with yourself. It helps you to get through the thoughts into a healthy journey of healing, of self-discovery and self-love. What makes us a positive person is embracing all parts of who we are; physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

I think being supported and surrounded by women who understand, who can truly relate to your thoughts, your feelings, your moods is so extremely powerful. The positivity is in the truth, in the real conversations we have, the ones that could go on for hours over coffee (or wine), that make us more similar than different from one another. Who you are in any given moment doesn’t take away from the person you are every day. The essence of YOU is always within. Let’s feel, let’s be real and raw, let’s have a conversation.

Written by: Lucy, ANGEL Advocate

June 19 2019

Resonating with “Survivorship” (3 of 4)

I received the call from my doctor announcing my diagnosis on October 13, 2009. October happens to be Breast Cancer Awareness month. A coincidence? Perhaps not, but we’ll save that for another conversation. Needless to say the trips to doctor appointments, tests, and some shopping to prepare for what was ahead was not short of the Pink Ribbon. It was everywhere I had never seen it before! Was it always there in such magnitude and now I was just more sensitive and aware? Either way, I wasn’t very happy about it. I found myself questioning the relevance of the ribbon, companies that “supported” the pink ribbon campaign, and wondered what the pink ribbon would do for me. And then, even more poignantly came the notion of “Survivor”. What makes me a survivor? How would I be different from the person who “survived” a heart attack, or a stroke? And since I was on the topic why was cancer given the connotation of “fighting”? Fighting sounded negative and combative, was that the energy with which I wanted to walk into this experience? So I pondered it, as I had been questioning many things, for some time.

What I’ve come to conclude is that perhaps being a Survivor has less to do with outliving cancer and more to do with being Resilient. If to survive is to persevere, then I think we’ve all done a phenomenal job of being a SURVIVOR. We’ve survived chemotherapy and radiation treatments however daunting they were, we managed the many and painful side effects, we tolerated conversations however annoying and frustrating they seemed at the time, we embraced the physical changes our body underwent, we witnessed the strengthening, and sometimes weakening, of our relationships.

We are surviving each step in this journey and that is something to acknowledge and recognize. And the “fight”? Well it’s an internal one, the fight with myself. And this is a “battle” that I work on everyday. The fight to not resist my pain but allow myself to feel it, to express it, to endure it. The fight with my state of mind, the thoughts that have the potential to take me to sad and dark places, the emotions that could overcome me if I didn’t create a space to feel them.So for many months, perhaps years, in my cancer experience, I survived.

Today, I am a THRIVER! I am creating new habits, making different choices and decisions to create more of what I want my life to look like. I’m sharing the story of my survival and I hope it reassures you that you’re surviving too! I”m celebrating who I am and where I’ve been. As a SURVIVOR (wherever you are in the experience) you should celebrate too!

Join me on my next wellness retreat adventure in Mexico! (Email me at Lucy.santoro08@gmail.com for details)

Written by: Lucy, Tigerlily ANGEL Advocate

June 12 2019

Digging Deep – 2 of 4

Why me?

When I stop to think of my life and how it seemed at the time of diagnosis I can identify areas where I was unhappy or unsatisfied. I can admit that I was a people pleaser and the “importance” of self-nurturing was at the tail end of this alleged priority list of life. So I know that I was already in a place of questioning my beliefs, curious about the values I held on to and wondering how I could shift things a bit to make improvements. But what if that’s not the case? What if you’re happy with your life, content with the routine and relationships, going about your business and a diagnosis comes seemingly out of nowhere?
Then what?

Well, I think something like cancer is one of those occasions in life that forces us to look candidly in the mirror. Can we see our way from outside in? How does the reflection make us feel? If the inside of us were visible on the outside of us for all to witness, what would that image include? Cancer was an opportunity for me to stretch myself beyond what I knew, outside of what was comfortable. Was I really fulfilled in that friendship? Had I reached my full career potential? Were my spiritual beliefs based on someone else’s learnings or was the conviction strong enough on my own? Did I know enough about other people, cultures, beliefs to have a well-rounded perspective or was I afraid of what I didn’t know? Were the plans or goals I had for my life based on my own authentic view of who I was and what I wanted or did I easily buy into societal pressures without question? At any given point I seemed to have had more questions than answers and so I kept asking.

I continued to dig deep to explore what possible answers were hidden within ME. I participated in a healing journey workshop series offered at a cancer support centre near home and was fully engaged in the practice, the reading and the discussions. I continued reading books that weren’t previously on my reading list, I engaged in conversations with friends who could support my curiosity, and really I just sat with it. I sat with the “junk” of questions in my head, the emotions of all these new unknowns, the uncertainty of what was meant for my life and the wonder of how I would ever feel like ME again.

It certainly has become a lifelong experience. Along the way, I made decisions about my body that would change my “plan” to have children, I was drawn more to spirituality than to the religion I had been raised knowing, I let go of friendships I thought I wanted, that I longed for during treatment, and tried to embrace some solitude. I engaged in the practices of meditation, journaling, reiki that more and more become the “remedies” I turn to when I’m feeling off balance. I continue to be curious and seek to explore answers in conversations, in reading and really just listening to myself I think the gift of curiosity, the gift of question and conversation, the gift of learning, and shifting perspective is meant to be explored.

So why not now?

Written by: Lucy Santoro, Tigerlily ANGEL Advocate

June 10 2019

Learning to Love Your Body as Part of Recovery – 2 of 4

Thank you all so much for following along as I share my story here with the Tigerlily family. It’s such an honor to be affiliated with this organization whose mission is to educate, empower, and support women as they journey through breast cancer treatment and to live their best life going forward. By sharing my story, I hope to inspire and empower you to do exactly that. This requires me to step out of my comfort zone and to be brave and vulnerable as I talk about difficult topics like body image and body acceptance. One of my favorite authors and speakers – Brené Brown – often speaks about courage and vulnerability and how one cannot exist without the other. I couldn’t agree more with this symbiotic ideology and when you think about it and apply it to cancer, it couldn’t be more true. We have no choice but to be brave as we are thrust into unknown territory and this fear of the unknown makes us feel vulnerable. But we rise to the occasion. We fight. We stay strong for ourselves and our loved ones. We put on a brave face and walk with courage into treatment sessions but feel vulnerable at the same time. Being vulnerable truly is a courageous act. I’m going to be vulnerable and share some very personal things in this blog post, and although I’m scared to be so vulnerable, I know sharing it will be cathartic.

I can say with 100% certainty that losing my hair left me feeling the most vulnerable I have ever been. Losing it left me feeling powerless, empty, and bare. But, in some strange way, losing my hair was the best thing that ever happened to me. When I lost my hair, I also lost my self-doubt, negative self image, and my insecurities. I gained perspective, self- confidence, and a whole lot of self- love. Breast cancer recovery is about so much more than physical health and our emotional wellbeing doesn’t get enough attention. For me personally and in my coaching practice with my clients, I’m discovering more and more that body image and body acceptance are key pieces of the puzzle that’s overlooked by the medical system. I used to struggle with my body image and talking about that struggle to such a large audience is something that still terrifies me. It’s a risk I’m willing to take because I know that my story will resonate with so many of you reading it and I choose to own the vulnerability, act with courage, and share my story.

If you’re wondering how a woman could possibly think losing her hair was the best thing that ever happened to her… let me back up a bit and give you some context. I grew up with very thick, frizzy hair, that could not be tamed. Do you remember when the Con-Air straightener was brand new? That thing could not handle my hair at all! My grade 9 yearbook picture was seriously 90% hair, 10% face! I compared myself to my friends and classmates and I felt embarrassed and inferior. I was teased and felt I couldn’t measure up to my friends who I thought were so much prettier than I was because they didn’t have wild frizzy hair. I became very self-conscious about my hair and overall appearance. In grade 7 I applied to a TV talk show program that gave hair makeovers! I was desperate for a change and felt helpless, embarrassed, and insecure. Later on in life when higher quality hair straighteners became available and I learned how to take care of my hair, I wasn’t able to bounce back and see myself in a positive light. Too many years of a negative self-image had left its mark. I became my own worst enemy.

How did this play out? I continued to have a grossly distorted view of myself and I obsessed over my perceived flaws. Self-esteem and body-esteem became one and the same. Because I thought being unattractive was outside of my control, I took extreme measures in an attempt to control the things I could. I would exercise excessively and feel guilty for eating something “bad.” I would think I was fat if I ate one unhealthy meal and would have to over exercise to compensate for this. I couldn’t go out for dinner or brunch with friends spontaneously because I had to plan my workouts around them. I couldn’t be out in a bathing suit unless I exercised first. I was trapped in a negative cycle of body shaming. A negative body-image can lead to eating disorders and I was not spared. I began to binge at night on all the things I deemed “forbidden”. I’m cringing as I write this because I can’t believe the prison that I was trapped in! It was a painful prison entirely of my own making that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

Let me try to explain this pain. Imagine you have this deep-rooted belief that you are not good enough exactly as you are. Objectively you know this isn’t true, but you can’t change how you feel. So you try and control everything that you can, but in the process you wind up damaging your body by eating excessive amounts of processed and refined foods. Because you feel guilty for overindulging, you end up punishing yourself physically at the gym and mentally and emotionally with negative self-talk. This vicious cycle of physical and mental abuse continued for about eight years. Something had to give. My body had had enough.

It was right around this time that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I’m convinced that the negative relationship I had with myself and my body was a contributing factor in my diagnosis. At the time of my diagnosis I knew nothing about natural medicine. I had never even heard of a naturopathic doctor! Given that I knew of no other options, I followed the advice of my oncologist which was to undergo chemotherapy. It’s really interesting to me because knowing what I know now about natural medicine and my particular diagnosis, I would not have put my body through chemotherapy or radiation. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. However, I’m so grateful that I didn’t know about natural options because honestly, losing my hair from chemo was truly the best thing that ever happened to me.

When I lost my hair, I saw the real me for the first time in years. I saw a beautiful woman who was just scared to be herself. I saw a courageous woman who was just scared to be confident. I saw a brave woman who was stuck in her own shadow. Looking into the mirror and seeing myself this way was beautiful and empowering. It’s like I saw myself with a new set of eyes. So what was the next step? I took action and started to show up for myself.

Acknowledging and owning the pain and the struggle was a critical first step in my recovery. After this true healing really began. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of self-care here. And I’m not talking about getting a massage once a month – I’m talking about cultivating a daily practice that suits and honours your needs on an individual and daily basis. That means resting when you need it. That means moving your body when you need it. That means saying no to obligations you don’t want to actually go to. That means saying yes to things outside your comfort zone. That means nourishing your body with whole, nutrient dense foods. The list goes on and on and on. The point is that when you prioritize YOU and you honour and take care of YOUR needs, you are sending a powerful message to yourself that you are here, you matter, and you are taking ownership of your life. When you prioritize your own needs, you actually create more space in your life to better serve others and you are more present with the people in your life who matter the most to you.

Life after breast cancer has many challenges. For me personally it was about letting go and accepting myself. I see this all the time in my coaching practice as well. Finding it difficult to accept the changes that conventional treatment may have caused to your body and feeling insecure is a very common feeling and there is no shame in this. I mean our boobs tried to kill us – so its only natural to have a little resentment toward your body! However, true healing begins when we shift this thought and begin to look at our bodies with unconditional love and complete reverence. Maybe the idea of viewing your scars/implants/prosthetics with love sounds insane right now, but trust me – this is possible. You can learn to love your new (and beautiful) body with softer eyes, a less critical mind, and a more loving and open heart.

Where am I now? After healing from the unhealthy relationship I had with food and body image, I became a holistic nutritionist. Instead of using food as a means of punishment and restriction, I use it as nourishment and preventive medicine. Instead of punishing my body with excessive exercise, I partner with my body and make choices with food and movement that honour my highest self. My body is now my ally and advocate, not my enemy. Instead of looking at my body with resentment and anger, I view my body with love and complete reverence for all that she does for me. Instead of living in pain, I am living my most nutritious, delicious life and I coach others to do the same!

I’d love to connect with you outside of this blog! If you have questions, comments, or want to hear more from me, connect with me on Instagram @Nutritious_Delicious_life, on facebook Nutritious Delicious Life, or through my website www.nutritiousdeliciouslife.com. Thank you for reading and I hope you walk away feeling inspired and empowered.

Until next time!

Lauren, ANGEL Advocate

May 30 2019

Turning Pain Into Purpose: One Breast Cancer Thriver’s Story 1 of 4

Hello there, lovely! I’m Lauren – a breast cancer survivor turned holistic nutritionist. I founded my company Nutritious Delicious Life to bring attention and awareness to the tremendous power that making holistic lifestyle changes can have on a woman’s breast cancer risk. For years, I immersed myself in research learning everything I could to prevent my own breast cancer recurrence. When I emerged from behind my mountain of books, I was frustrated that this life-saving information wasn’t easily accessible to the women it could help the most. Ever since being diagnosed with breast cancer at 26 and discovering the healing benefits of holistic health, it’s been my mission to connect, inspire, and empower other breast cancer survivors to live their most nutritious, delicious lives. Now, nearly 5 years after diagnosis, my life is radically different in the best possible way. I’m a health coach and I work closely with breast cancer survivors to transform them into thrivers! First and foremost you need to know that you are not alone in your pain, struggles, worries, or fears. Rather, you are part of a community who understands, loves, embraces, and supports you. Whether you are newly diagnosed or well into survivorship, I hope that reading my story today provides you with information as well as inspiration. I’ll be sharing a blog post each week with the Tigerlily community on topics that help me live my best life after cancer and my hope is that they inspire you to do the same. I can’t wait for us to get to know each other!

Let’s start at the very beginning. I was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 26 (I’m 31 now!) At that time, I was living a life that was everything but holistic. I was a chartered accountant and the hours I worked invariably took a toll on me and I was stressed out and burnt out. I was eating what I thought was healthy according to mainstream media, but really eating this way wreaked havoc on my already stressed hormone levels. I was also exercising excessively and destroying my body at the gym. On the surface, I was living a “healthy lifestyle” but deep down I was in a lot of pain. I had a really negative self-image and nothing I did was ever good enough. I created impossible standards to live by, and I would punish myself for not being able to reach them. In spite of all this, I was still very aware of my body. For this, I am eternally grateful, because I felt the lump in my breast when it was still very small; otherwise I may not have detected the lump until it was much too late.

One morning, while showering, I felt a small lump in my right breast. It’s interesting because I was such a stress case about everything in my life at this time – I stressed about my career, I stressed about not being able to find a “good guy” to settle down with, I stressed about money… I was a straight up emotional basket case who stressed about everything, but for some reason I didn’t stress about the lump in my breast! The conversation in my head went something like: “Ok, if it’s still there next week I’ll go to the doctor, but there’s no way this can be anything serious!” A week later, I went to my doctor, who sent me for an ultrasound; the ultrasound came back “suspicious”. You’re probably all familiar with these steps and how exhausting and unsettling it is going for tests and waiting for the results! I continued to tell myself that everything was going to be fine and that there’s no way this could be anything serious.

Because the ultrasound was suspicious I was sent for a biopsy. It was while I was laying on the table in the hospital waiting for my biopsy procedure that the thought of having cancer overwhelmed me. I could feel it with every fiber of my being. I couldn’t deny the thoughts anymore and I just broke down crying. I cried during the entire biopsy (which took forever!); then I went into work and pretended like everything was fine. When I came home from work I bawled again. All. Night. Long. It was a very emotional and frightening time for me and I didn’t share any of this with my family or friends. I didn’t want to worry anyone or burden them until I knew the results of the biopsy. That’s actually a huge regret of mine and something I’ve spent the last 5 years working on – I’ve learned the value and power of leaning on others for support, and asking for and accepting help when I need it. Can you guys relate?!

Well you can probably guess what happened next. The biopsy confirmed I had cancer and thus began the seemingly endless emotional roller coaster ride of doctor appointments and treatments. I chose to have a lumpectomy and after my surgery, I learned that my cancer was grade 3 and very aggressive. My oncology team recommended I have 8 rounds of dose-dense chemotherapy followed by radiation, and hormone treatment on tamoxifen for 10 years. And THIS is where my story gets interesting!

During chemotherapy, I was confronted with some pretty hard truths. Let’s just say for now that losing my hair and seeing myself so bare for the first time was both eye-opening and humbling. I lost my hair, but I also lost my insecurities, negative self- image, and self-doubt. I gained perspective, self-confidence, and a whole lot of self- love. This was such a turning point in my life that I’ll explain fully in a separate blog – stay tuned for next week!

Just before starting radiation, I learned about naturopathic medicine. I had never heard of a naturopathic doctor before and couldn’t wrap my head around using vitamins, minerals, herbs, and plants to protect my body from cancer let alone using them as a form of complementary treatment. I was very intrigued though by this branch of medicine and I started working with a naturopath. I’ll be the first to admit it; I was skeptical at first. This was all new territory to me and it took me some time to acknowledge this form of medicine as legitimate and accept that it could work. But my energy level improved significantly (I even rode my bike to some of my radiation treatments) and my very fair skin didn’t burn at all from the radiation. I couldn’t deny these results and this propelled me to learn more and more about natural medicine which employs non-toxic natural therapies to treat people. I eventually took myself off of tamoxifen and I now manage my entire prevention strategy completely naturally.

I wanted to be able to do more for myself when I wasn’t seeing my naturopath and this is what brought me to nutrition. I wanted to feel like I had some control over my health and the way I chose to take that power back was to show up for myself in the kitchen. I learned what foods could harm me and which ones could help me. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn and I realized my true calling in life. I left my career in accounting, moved to a new city where I didn’t know anyone, and enrolled in holistic nutrition school.

Now, I lead the cancer nutrition program at a leading naturopathic clinic that specializes in oncology. I have my dream job where I get to be of service everyday, doing what I love. My practice isn’t just about nutrition. As important as the food we eat is to our overall health, THRIVERship is about so much more than physical health. I can’t wait to dive deep into some of these topics in future blog posts. But for now, I hope you gained some insight into who I am as a person and your take away from reading this blog is feeling lighter, happier, and inspired.

Until next time!

Lauren, Tigerlily ANGEL Advocate